Irvine, CA - When it comes to kids gauging the moods of their Dads, most children hone their skills by reading their fathers temperament after he arrives home from work. Since he is an imposing figure, Dads negative disposition can easily hinder his childs ability to interact with him. As a result, the lack of meaningful early communication can spill over into adulthood, leaving grown children with unresolved daddy issues.
My father was the strong and silent type, reveals Louise Lewis, author of No Experts Needed: The Meaning of Life According to You! She adds, With an emphasis on the silent. That is, until he exploded in anger. As with many children, Dad was more of a stranger than Mom for the majority of Lewis life. I feared him. I obeyed him. I loved him; but I didnt know him.
With the passing of time, aging Fathers have a tendency to mellow. This creates an opportunity for their child to become more comfortable speaking candidly while sharing a conversation Dad. When my daddy aged and began to soften, my defenses dropped because I feared him less, remembers Lewis, who - after losing her job due to the dotcom implosion - spent five years on a Spirit-led journey to discover the meaning of life.
Many sons and daughters are able to forgive their fathers for perceived childhood wrongs once they see him as a normal human being who did the best he could raising them. It wasnt until I saw Daddy as an old man suddenly preparing for his own death that I was able to summon the strength to confront Daddy openly, honestly and lovingly, tells Lewis.
Sensing the end might be near, and living halfway across the country from her parents, Lewis chose to live with no regrets. She encouraged a dialogue with her father, one that is usually reserved for someones very last days. I wanted to have the deathbed conversation right then and there in case he got sick quickly and I couldnt get home in time. According to Lewis, timing is everything when initiating a discussion of this magnitude, but you dont have to wait decades before having it.
Once she and her father had the frank talk, Lewis says, All the childhood wounds were instantly healed. All the pain dissolved. She adds, Never before had my heart felt so open and full of love than in that moment with Daddy. This leads her to wonder: If a grown child and their father still have issues, why wait so long in life to resolve them? In some cases, death will precede the needed deathbed conversation leaving the wounds that much harder to heal.
There might not be a tomorrow, warns Lewis, whose father passed months later. Knowing that I had already said the things that needed to be said actually helped a great deal during the grieving process. Nothing was left unsaid, hence, leaving no room for regrets.
Lewis believes having the deathbed conversation not only eased her Dads mind during his passing, but also helped to deal with her other relationships. I needed to get to a better place with Daddy because I knew in the end, I would be left with the memory of my role in that relationship. She adds, The earlier the better. Having a deathbed conversation - which tends to be open, honest and full of love and forgiveness - in a scenario not clouded by a pending death, can enhance the father/child relationship for the remaining years of everyones lives.
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